May contain traces of peanuts...: September 2006

Daily affirmations....or....A cup of pudding a day is the way to stay ok

So lately I haven't been feeling to well...BUT there is a solution! ALCOHOL! ...just kidding...but no... there is a way! Daily Affirmations!

I do daily affirmations every day-hence the word "daily." I guess, if you're lazy, you can do weekly affirmations or monthly affirmations, or even yearly affirmations. Actually, I suppose New Year's resolutions are yearly affirmations. But f you're making the same New Year's resolution every year (e.g., "i will be more popular"), and it's still not happening (e.g., "Nobody calls me. I am all alone. Boo hoo."), it may be time to change your strategy. Your next yearly affirmation should be to do daily affirmations.

We all have bad days and you can't always count on other people to make things better. or instance, you might say to someone, "I'm a bad person," expecting them to say in return, "Oh, no, you're one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I know." But nine times out of ten, they'll say instead, "Really. Hmmm. Hey, could you pass the Chee-tos?"

So because you can't rely on other people, for your own ego you need daily affirmations. Some obvious affirmations are: "I am a good person." or "Ilove myself" or "I matter" But I think it's a good idea to start small. (e.g., "I will brush my teeth" or "I will wake up") Don't push yourself. And the more depressed you are, the simpler the affirmation should be. Under the circustances, "Who cares if I'm drunk?" is a perfectly reasonable affirmation.

And sometimes the only way you can make yourself feel better is by putting other people down. And that's ok. (My grandma wouldn't be proud haha) There is nothing wrong with that-whatever gets you through. "I'm not as fat as she is." "Thank God I'm not as bone ugly as they are." These are all fine affirmations. However, it's best that when you are in public to say these affirmations to yourself. It can save you embarrassment and a black eye. These are silent affirmations.

Here are some affirmations that have helped me. Use them if you'd like.

I am the world's shortest giant.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout.

I bet nobody knows I'm crazy.

I look good in bell bottoms.

Archie would rarther date me than either Betty or Veronica.

I can walk through walls. Ouch! No, I can't.

I mean for my hair to look like this.

The Great Spirit smiles on me. On me and only me. The Great Spirit hates everybody else. We're best friends.

I don't need exercise. I have the perfect shape.

I am smarter than my dogs. Well, smarter that one of my dogs.

Being grubby equals being cool.

I sing better than Bonnie Raitt. I have as many Grammys as Bonnie Raitt. I am Bonnie Raitt.

If I put my mind to it, I could do anything. I just don't feel like putting my mind to something. So there.

I have X-ray vision. Wait a minute. I don't. These glasses are a rip off.

I meant to get ripped off.

I've fallen and I can get up.

I'm good at watching TV.

I can come up with better affirmations than these.

FutureLoveSound

For some reason love, even of the most ardednt and soul-destroying kind, is never caught by the lens of the camera. One would almost think it didn't exist.